communication

Wall of Sound

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 92; 149, Ezekiel 3:4-17, Hebrews 5:7-14, Luke 9:37-50

Have you ever left a discussion or disagreement and felt it was more like two parallel monologues? One where you talked over instead of with each other? Today’s social and political climate seems to have moved us past conversation, past persuasion, past argument, and right into word avalanches meant to bury anyone who disagrees with us. Sometimes it really does seem like we might not be speaking the same language From dog-whistles (coded language meant to signal and incite people within our social tribe against another one) on the right to virtue signaling (speaking more to reinforce moral superiority among our peers than to facilitate conversation) on the left, we speak primarily to hear ourselves talk and have our views reflected and amplified back to us. Language becomes a barrier instead of a bridge.

Before sending the prophet Ezekiel to warn the people of Israel, God basically told him, “I’m sending you to people who should understand exactly what you are saying. Not people speaking a different language, but people from your own tribe. Guess what? They’re going to ignore you because they have hard and stubborn hearts.”

Hard and stubborn hearts cut both ways. They render us effectively deaf to those we don’t want to hear – even when they speak important truths. And when we are speaking, our own hard and stubborn hearts use words to pummel, punish, and shame … and when has anyone responded favorably to that?

When we speak from a grace-filled place, our words will be easy for people to hear. Of course whether they choose to listen is beyond our control, but we have a choice to make: create an impenetrable wall of sound or create an opportunity to harmonize? If we are hurt, angry, or scared the wall option is attractive, and feels good … for a while. But sealed away we will simply fester in the pain and fear. Harmony – reconciliation – requires us to speak plainly and honestly, and to listen the same way.

Communication is more than words: it requires intent, effort, vulnerability, and trust. Let’s try asking ourselves: “What would Jesus say?”

Comfort: New information changes our understanding; truth remains the same.

Challenge: Question your assumptions about other people’s words.

Prayer: Lord, may I seek more to understand than to be understood. Amen.

Discussion: What triggers you to stop listening to someone?

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Stop or I’ll shoot (my mouth off)

/ JJS / Leave a comment

listen

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 104; 149, Isaiah 61:10 – 62:5, 2 Timothy 4:1-8, Mark 10:46-52

“Tone policing” means dismissing someone’s message by condemning the tone in which it’s delivered. Frequently used by groups in power to silence those who seek equality, an example of this tactic might be telling a woman who seeks equal pay, “I can’t listen when you’re so shrill and angry.” Tone policing prioritizes politeness over justice.

The term is relatively new, but the behavior is not. When Jesus was leaving Jericho, a crowd was following him. Buried in the crowd, a blind beggar named Bartimaeus began shouting for Jesus’s attention. The crowd ordered him to be quiet. Though we don’t know their exact words, they essentially told him to know his place and not to speak out of turn. Never mind that no one had the basic decency to offer help him or push him forward – it was his “rudeness” they made an issue.

Like many who are silenced, Bartimaeus only wanted access to the same things other people had. In his case, these things were the mercy and healing offered by Jesus. Fortunately for Bartimaeus, Jesus stopped in his tracks and called him over.

Jesus asked Bartimaeus: “What do you want me to do for you?” Now Jesus certainly knew the man was blind, but he made no assumptions about what the man wanted based on his most obvious characteristics, and instead allowed Bartimaeus the dignity of speaking for himself. Bartimaeus asked for his sight, and Jesus told him: “Go; your faith has made you well.” Note that Jesus did not say “I have made you well.” Jesus may have facilitated it, but acknowledged Bartimaeus had within himself the resources for his own wholeness.

When we ally ourselves in seeking justice with people who are less advantaged, let’s follow the example of Christ. Let’s relinquish social and political space for people to speak, rather than speaking for them. Let’s listen to what people tell us they need, rather than assuming what’s best for them. We don’t always need to cast ourselves as the creators of justice; a lot of the time we just need to get out of its way.

Comfort: God hears all cries for justice.

Challenge: When listening to people, try to concentrate on what they are saying more than how they are saying it.

Prayer: God of justice, grant me the wisdom to speak and listen justly. Amen.

Discussion: Under what circumstances do you find it difficult to listen to people?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group , visit comfortandchallenge.tumblr.com, or follow @comf_and_chall on Twitter. You’ll  have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

Stupid and Senseless Controversies

/ JJS / 1 Comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 97; 147:12-20, Isaiah 60:1-22, 2 Timothy 2:14-26, Mark 10:17-31

“Have nothing to do with stupid and senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.” – 2 Timothy 2:23

In our age of instant global communication, Paul’s advice to Timothy is more valuable than ever. The boundaries between social media, entertainment, marketing, and journalism  have eroded to almost nothing. Constantly connected to this content stream, we feel personally involved in local, national, and even international controversies created solely for the purpose of getting us to watch, click, and share.

With endless information coming at us from infinite directions, and with that information digitally curated to tell us what we’d like to hear, it is easy to be fooled into thinking we are feasting on a banquet of ideas when we are really being force fed slop. The opinions we form, based on this non-information, are little more than products we didn’t consent to buying. When it comes to trending stories and controversial “news,” it’s almost always a safe bet to assume we know less than we think we do.

It’s perfectly acceptable – even desirable – not to have an opinion on everything, particularly things that don’t involve us. Whether in person on online, we should resist the urge to quarrel about with equally uninformed friends and family. We are also free to not respond in kind (or at all!) when provoked. Humble uncertainty injects peace into situations where others are more invested in finding offense than common ground.

We have only so much physical, emotional, and spiritual energy to expend. A juicy scandal may offer to entertain us, but in the end will leave us diminished.

The world has always schemed to distract us from our own best interests, but we don’t have to let it succeed. There are real controversies and injustices – the kind Jesus spoke about and addressed and which still exist today – that merit our attention. Poverty. Hunger. Violence. Distancing ourselves from celebrity gossip, fake news, partisan spin, and topics that are simply none of our business also frees up our resources for these worthier pursuits.

Controversy is an unavoidable part of an authentic life. Let’s engage wisely.

Comfort: Feel free to not have an opinion.

Challenge: When someone says something you disagree with, pause before reacting and decide whether you need to react at all.

Prayer: God of peace, teach me to be a peacemaker. Amen.

Discussion: What’s the last stupid quarrel you were in?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group , visit comfortandchallenge.tumblr.com, or follow @comf_and_chall on Twitter. You’ll  have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

No-Win Scenario

/ JJS / 1 Comment

nothing-right

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 33; 146, Isaiah 9:2-7, 2 Peter 1:12-21, Luke 22:54-69

They said, “If you are the Messiah, tell us.” He replied, “If I tell you, you will not believe; and if I question you, you will not answer.

When Jesus was arrested and brought before the Jewish authorities, they purposely put him in a no-win scenario. If he claimed to be the Messiah they would charge him with blasphemy and the Romans would charge him with sedition. Denying it would undermine his entire ministry. Keeping silent enabled them to impose whatever meaning best benefited them onto his silence. He responded simply by pointing these things out.

Have you been in a situation where there was no right answer?  Most of us have. Like Christ, we may find ourselves damned by both our words and our silence. Unlike Christ we almost never have to face consequences like crucifixion (and probably shouldn’t compare minor inconveniences to that event), but the very real consequences can result in professional, personal, and/or social damage. When facing a no-win situation, the best option is the one that maintains personal and spiritual integrity.

We are less likely to recognize when we are on the other side – when we have made up our minds that a person can do no right. Many a marriage or friendship struggles when one party or the other uses some grievance or infraction to dismiss all efforts, whether good or bad, from the other. Because we feel aggrieved, we feel justified. In a professional setting, a single mistake can kill an otherwise successful career, while less illustrious co-workers prosper because their mistakes haven’t been revealed. In politics, we can (and are encouraged to) dismiss everything the opposition party proposes simply because it came from “the other side.”

None of us wants to be defined by our mistakes, so we should not define others that way either. Individual and community relationships should, to the best of our abilities, mirror the divine forgiveness and redemption we find in Christ. Christ has not forgiven our sins and mistakes just so we can hold them against each other. We are a reconciling people; let’s act like it.

Comfort: God’s opinion of you is not swayed by the opinions of others.

Challenge: Is there anyone in your life you automatically dismiss, whether consciously or unconsciously? Seek to find common ground with that person.

Prayer: God of forgiveness, teach me to see others not through eyes of judgment but through eyes of love. Amen.

Discussion: Have you ever found yourself in a no-win situation?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group or follow @comf_and_chall on Twitter. You’ll  have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!