death

Casseroles and Compassion

/ JJS / 2 Comments

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 143; 147:12-20, Ecclesiastes 3:16-4:3, Galatians 3:1-14, Matthew 14:13-21

When we study the story of the multiplication of the loaves and fishes, we usually focus on the most obvious part – namely, fives loaves and two fishes feeding five thousand men plus women and children. It’s an important and miraculous story on its own, but since the Gospels have been broken into chapters, verses, and headings (absent from their original format) we often read a section without considering the context of what comes before or after.

The first sentence in Matthew’s version of this story – “now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a deserted place by himself” – is more meaningful when we remember “this” was the beheading of John the Baptist. More than a prophet announcing the Messiah, John was (depending on which scriptures you read) Jesus’s cousin, teacher, and friend. He prepared the way of the Lord. John’s death was a signpost on the road to Calvary.

How eager would we be to learn thousands of people had followed us to the place where we sought to mourn in private? Many of us would have turned them away. Jesus though “had compassion for them and cured their sick.” Even after he was done – probably many hours later, as it was evening by then – he didn’t choose to turn them away.

John’s parents were probably dead already. Jesus was possibly his only family, and many people who sought Jesus on that day were undoubtedly John’s disciples. According to legend, John did not get a traditional burial, so this gathering may have been as close to a funeral as things got.  What happens after most funerals? Friends of the grieving family bring food and offer support. Note that Jesus did not distribute the food himself: he instructed the disciples to do it, as they would have traditionally done if visiting Jesus in his home after a loss. John may not have had a funeral, but the meal afterward was thousands strong and presided over by Christ … in the only home he had … among his followers.

In the face of death, Jesus responded with healing, nourishment, and generosity – and persuaded the crowd to do likewise.  Whether we grieve or support someone who does, Christ offers hope and new life in ways we can’t imagine until we live them.

Comfort: We never grieve alone.

Challenge: At times we may be called to be compassionate when we really want to be left alone. At those times, can we remember that service is sometimes a path to healing?

Prayer: God of compassion, be with me when I grieve, and help me support those who suffer loss. Amen.

Discussion: What (if any) parts of– funeral rituals do you find most comforting?

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Whether to Wither

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 99; 147:1-11, Exodus 15:22-16:10, 1 Peter 2:1-10, John 15:1-11

A friend who is a lifelong gardener once said she was amused when people found peace in parables about sowing, tending and harvesting. Gardening, she said, is brutal. One is continually ripping living things from the ground to make room for other, more desirable living things. Foundering plants are removed to prevent the spread of rot and disease. As in today’s parable about the vine and branches, a gardener prunes away unproductive branches so they don’t drain resources from or contribute to the demise of healthy ones.

Sometimes parables like the vine are used to paint a picture of a God who’s waiting to damn us. It’s not difficult to take a story with actual burning in it as proof God is eagerly stoking the fires of hell for us right now. Preaching and teaching which use this fear of punishment to motivate us produce obedience that more resembles a hostage situation than worship. When Jesus says unfruitful branches will be trimmed and thrown into the fire, is he being a ruthless gardener and threatening us with eternal suffering?

Not quite. The difference between us and a withered branch on a grapevine is that we have a choice in whether we wither. Jesus knows the world is a hard place, a wild place overgrown with corruption and danger. He is not resigning us to the inferno, but extending an offer to shelter in his love, where our spirits can grow fruitful. Without the love of God, we are subject to everything that tries to choke out and nibble away at our spirits. Christ’s message about unhealthy branches is more lifeline than threat. He concludes by saying: “I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.”

God’s hope for us – and therefore Christ’s hope for us – is that we will know and flourish in his love. He wants us to know the natural consequences of ignoring or rejecting that love is a withering of the soul. Christ does not threaten us with death. He invites us to life.

Comfort: Christ provides nurturing shelter in a world overgrown with disorder.

Challenge: If you are a gardener, allow a small section of your garden to grow untended. If you are not a gardener, cultivate a small bed of flowers or herbs. What do you think you will learn?

Prayer: God of Life, thank you for tending my soul. I will seek shelter in your love. Amen.

Discussion: Do you relate to the images of a vine and branches? Why or why not?

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Rest In Peace

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 67; 150, 2 Samuel 1:17-27, Romans 12:9-21, Matthew 25:31-46

“Don’t speak ill of the dead.”
– Ancient proverb.

“It’s easier to love someone who’s dead. They make so few mistakes.”
– Arnold, Torch Song Trilogy

After Saul and his son Jonathan died battling the Philistines, David wrote The Song of the Bow (today’s reading from 2 Samuel) as a memorial to them. He praised their might and bravery, their loyalty to each other, and the good they did for Israel. He didn’t mention Saul’s crazed and cowardly attempts to murder him, or the fierce division they had over his fate, or that his resulting exile weakened the nation.

Isn’t this the way of most memorial services? “Eulogy” literally means “good words” and we seldom hear anything else spoken at a funeral, regardless of the character of the deceased. At least for a time the bumps in the road of life are smoothed over as we attempt to comfort those left behind.

But not all our grief is for lost love.

Human relationships being complex, we often have unfinished business with the deceased. If this business pains us, we are left with options of denial or therapy  since resolution is no longer possible. Relationships revolving around the person we’ve lost may become more complicated as well.

Then there’s a third option: forgiveness. Death forces us to face we can’t control other people – something we won’t always accept while they live. A hoped for apology or behavioral change – which always seem to remain a possibility when someone is alive – can be an obstacle to forgiveness, because it makes forgiveness dependent upon that person. Yet we can control them no more alive than dead. The relief of forgiveness comes only when we realize it means changing ourselves, but that frequently means hard and humble work on our part.

Fortunately, we can do the work to forgive someone while they still live. On the flip side, we can offer amends any time – regardless of whether we feel like it – and avoid being the source of irresolvable grief. Either way, love as if it’s your last chance. Once we stop waiting, we really start living.

Additional Reading:
For thoughts on today’s passage from Matthew, see Whatsoever.
Read a reflection on today’s scripture from Romans in Burning Love.

Comfort: Forgiveness is something you can choose right now…

Challenge: … but it may take a while to really get there.

Prayer: May God continue to bless us; let all the ends of the earth revere him. (Psalm 67:7)

Discussion: What impact has unfinished business with a deceased friend, for, or family member had on your life?

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