doubt

Doubt, Pray, Love

/ JJS / 4 Comments

1465504231571.jpg

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 26; 30, Ecclesiastes 11:1-8, Galatians 5:16-24, Matthew 16:13-20

No matter how strong our faith, we eventually have a day – or perhaps an achingly long series of days – when God seems far away. We don’t talk about those days much. Rather, we feel pressure to put on a brave face. Expressions of doubt during a Bible study prompt our friends to offer arguments for belief which are probably more about their reassurance than ours. A minor breakdown during prayer time is viewed as unseemly and inappropriate, maybe even fodder for parking lot gossip.

Loss and weakness are fine to discuss if we’ve already overcome them, but no one likes to watch the sausage being made. A story of beating a gambling addiction? Testify! A confession about how your ongoing blackout drinking leads to promiscuity? Better save it for the 12-step meeting. We talk a good game about brokenness, vulnerability, and healing but we really want to skip right to the “after” photo because the “before” mugshot is too upsetting.

The Psalms tell a different story. Many of them describe how we can be simultaneously faithful and in a wretched state. The author of Psalm 130 is crying out to God from the depths of despair. He recognizes his own failings and shortcomings. He finds himself unable to do anything but wait for the Lord and hope for the best. He still puts his trust in God but he’s not putting up a brave front.

Questions, moments of weakness, and despair do not demonstrate a lack of faith. They are the times that tell us whether we had any faith in the first place. Like the psalmist, sometimes the best we can do is beg God to get us through the darkness while we hunker down and hang on until daylight.

A healthy faith community will offer a safe space to rail against injustice, struggles, and the seeming distance of God. It will face darkness head on but shine a light into it. Since communities are made of people, the responsibility of creating such space then falls on each of us. We can be ourselves when we allow others to do the same.

Comfort: God is big enough to love you through your anger and doubt.

Challenge: It can be difficult to navigate when to express our pain and when to keep it to ourselves. Read this piece on how not to say the wrong thing.

Prayer: Loving God, my source of strength and security, thank you for weathering my doubts and fears. I will trust you to see me through this and all days. Amen.

Discussion: Have you ever found relief after sharing something you had been keeping to yourself?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people.

Training Wheels

/ JJS / Leave a comment

all things

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 88; 148, Ecclesiastes 5:1-7, Galatians 3:15-22, Matthew 14:22-36

After the feeding of the multitude, Jesus sent the disciples off in a boat, and retreated to a mountain to pray in solitude. A storm broke, and great waves pushed the disciples far from shore. In the morning they saw Jesus walking across the water toward them, but mistook him for a ghost. When Peter realized who was coming, he climbed out of the boat and started walking toward him. A strong wind frightened Peter and he began to sink. Jesus reached out to save him, and asked: “You of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Who exactly was Peter doubting? Was it Jesus … or himself? Only a few hours earlier he and the other disciples had fed a crowd of thousands with little more than the makings of a few fish sandwiches. Jesus had blessed the food, but he told the disciples to do the feeding. From the beginning of his ministry, Jesus was preparing the disciples to carry on his mission after he was gone. That meant teaching them to trust themselves to do the work. Of course all they accomplished was through Christ, but they would have to do the actual work; losing confidence when the winds turned against them would sink the mission entirely.

How many miles and hours do parents spend running behind bicycles once the training wheels have been taken off? Their steadying hands at first provide balance, then only the illusion of balance, and finally they let the child ride alone. The Law was like a set of training wheels – for a while it kept the people upright, but over time it outgrew its usefulness, and the people relied on it for the wrong reasons. During his ministry, Jesus was removing the training wheels and teaching his followers to find their balance.

Our growth follows a similar path. When we doubt we can count on him to reach out that steadying hand, but eventually we must act. Faith is not believing Jesus will do what we ask of him, but believing he has already prepared us for what he asks us to do.

Comfort: When our faith feels wobbly, Christ stands ready to steady us.

Challenge: It’s easy to confuse what we want with what God wants.

Prayer: Powerful and ever-loving God, grant me strength and faith to do the work you ask of me. Amen.

Discussion: Has doubt or fear been holding you back from something you feel called to do?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people.

Deep Calls To Deep

/ JJS / 7 Comments

deeptodeep

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 42; 146, Proverbs 4:1-27, 1 John 4:7-21, Matthew 11:7-15

“Faith: Sometimes it makes you miserable!”

Not much of a sales pitch, is it? But it’s true. The church teaches us to depend on God always, but often we may feel as if God just isn’t coming through for us – maybe isn’t there at all.  Enduring such disappointment and confusion may be harder than rejecting belief altogether; after all, we can’t be angry with someone whom we don’t believe exists.

When and why did we start believing that doubt and anger stand in opposition to faith? Christ and Paul both taught faith does not protect us from the evils of the world, but promises us something beyond.

The author of Psalm 42 wasn’t afraid to express doubt and anger. He says tears have been his food while his enemies mock him by asking “Where is your God?” Their taunts feel like a deadly wound to his body. The psalmist asks, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me?”  Yet he knows he will praise the Lord again soon, even as his suffering continues.

Your suffering is not a failure of faith. Nor are your anger, confusion, and fear. Allowing yourself to feel these things is an indication of a solid faith that outlast all hardships. Expecting faith to eliminate such feelings can only end in a discouragement which truly does erode our faith. Your ability to cling to your faith during times of adversity is a much more powerful, truthful testimony than pretending faith creates all good times and no bad – people are too smart to buy that story.

Two images in Psalm 42 are especially well-known. One compares the psalmist’s desire to know God to a deer panting for water. Only God can slake the thirst for assurance, but the thirst will always return, and so the psalmist will always return to God. The other is captured in the phrase “deep calls to deep,” which refers to the primal cycle of tides and waves. They ebb and flow, rise and fall, but the power behind them is immeasurable, steady, and eternal. We can’t control the waves, but we can trust their creator.

Comfort: At every point in life, through every emotion, God is steady.

Challenge: Embrace your doubt; it doesn’t deter God.

Prayer: Thank you, eternal God, for understanding, accepting, and loving me no matter what my heart holds. Amen.

Discussion: Do you trust God to love you through your anger and disappointment?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people.

The Fine Line

/ JJS / Leave a comment

1452988121799

Today’s readings (click to open in a new window):
Psalms 19; 150, Genesis 7:1-10, 17-23, Ephesians 4:1-16, Mark 3:7-19

The line between faith an insanity can be hard to identify. When Noah heard the voice of God telling him to build an ark, he must have questioned which side of the line he was on. His neighbors, friends, and family – the ones who didn’t scoff at him outright – surely had questions as well. How must it have felt to explain the enormous construction project going on in his back yard? Following God’s orders very likely ruined his reputation as a stable individual. At least until the rains started.

Not everything God would have us do will make sense to the outside world – and maybe not even to ourselves. Showing generosity to people who haven’t earned it, granting mercy to those who have wronged us, taking in strangers – these things seem scandalous by worldly standards. When God “asks” us to do something – through intuition, conscience, or other means – are we strong enough to ignore the mocking, sometimes hostile voices discouraging us? We probably won’t be asked to accomplish something as huge as 1.5 million cubic feet of boat, but when we open ourselves to ridicule the burden may feel almost as enormous.

When Noah and his family closed the door of the ark, they had no idea how long they might be afloat or what their final fate might be. Following God often means the faith that we are doing the right thing must be sufficient to carry us through dark and confusing times. We want to be sure we are on the right side of that line between faithful and crazy, but we often don’t. When it comes to leaps of faith we can pray, discern, and hope … but we can never be 100% sure. If we turn out to be wrong, or if things just turn out differently than expected, listening to that voice the next time may be difficult.

Not every little whim is a calling from God, but sometimes we need to risk looking a little crazy. That’s OK. We may turn out to be the only one with the good sense to get out of the rain.

Comfort: Faith may ask crazy things of us, but God will see us through.

Challenge: Is anything you have left undone nagging at your conscience? If so, pray and meditate on what’s holding you back.

Prayer: All-knowing God, I will trust you even when I don’t understand you.

Discussion: What’s the most outlandish thing you’ve done on intuition? How did it work out?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

When in doubt…

/ JJS / Leave a comment

confused-2681507_1920

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 54; 146, Ezra 9:1-15, Revelation 21:1-8, Matthew 17:14-21

Doubt is an inescapable factor of the human condition. From checking an iron we aren’t sure we unplugged to wondering whether a God could possibly exist, we all experience doubt, most of us on a fairly regular basis. Many of us fall prey to the false choice between doubt and faith. In a world that emphasizes an “either/or” mentality, we can find it difficult if not sometimes impossible to sustain a “both/and” perspective. It is entirely possible to balance both doubt and faith in our lives.

After her death, Mother Teresa became a famous example of the embodiment of both doubt and faith. The publication of her private papers revealed her inner struggle with God and faith. For some people, this revelation confirmed their skepticism of faith. But rather than undermine her previous image, perhaps it really served to make her more accessible: if such a revered religious figure struggled with the same doubts we do, our faith also has the potential to be as great as hers.

Jesus worked mercifully with doubters. Matthew describes how one day a man brought Jesus his son, a boy who would fall into the fire and the water when convulsed by seizures. In Mark’s version of the story, the man claimed a demon had also struck the boy mute. When the man asked Jesus to help “if you are able,” Jesus replied all things were possible to those who believed. The man replied “I believe; help my unbelief!” Could there be a more desperate, humble and honest response? Jesus went on to heal the boy through prayer. Yet this man, while his belief was bolstered in the moment, certainly continued to experience doubt throughout his life, just as the rest of us do.

Both Matthew and Mark tell us the disciples asked why they hadn’t been able to cure the boy. Jesus blamed it on their lack of faith. How could the disciples, who lived with Jesus day in and day out, lack faith? It seems neither faith nor doubt are determined by what is  right in front of us, but by our spiritual state. When we allow doubt to make us feel guilty, it only gains a stronger hold.

We are built to juggle contradictory emotions and ideas. At a good memorial or wake, we grieve loss and laugh at memories. Sending a child to the first day of kindergarten or college is often bittersweet. Our relationships with loved ones are a complicated mix of love, anger and countless other simultaneous feelings. These conflicting emotions do not invalidate each other or the experiences that drive them. God has given us the ability to harbor both faith and doubt, so let us use each wisely.

Comfort: Doubt is not failure.

Challenge: When you doubt, don’t try to cover it up. Work through it with trusted friends and advisers.

Prayer: Happy are those whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD their God. (Psalm 146:5)

Discussion: How are you affected by other people’s doubt or faith?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

Climbing the Walls of Doubt

/ JJS / Leave a comment

wall-2848475_1920

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 5; 145, Nehemiah 6:1-19, Revelation 10:1-11, Matthew 13:36-43

Not all our best efforts at self-improvement will be accepted positively by others. Some people just have a knack for criticism and suspicion of things that don’t remotely affect them. Decline a cocktail at a party, and someone will suggest you “loosen up” without bothering to ask why you don’t drink. Stick with your portion control plan at a holiday meal, and someone will be miffed you passed on their thumbprint cookies. Withdraw from office gossip, and become the latest victim of side-eye.

It’s seems we’re even more susceptible to doubts if we drank too much, ate too much, or gossiped too much in the past. And just mention that you want to lose weight or value your virginity in the wrong forum and you’ll find out you are fat-shaming or slut-shaming when you were only talking about yourself.

When the citizens of Jerusalem decided to rebuild the wall that protected their city, the surrounding people grew suspicious. They started rumors that the wall meant the Jews intended to rebel. They tried to stop the work from being completed by distracting Nehemiah, who led the effort. When distraction didn’t work, they tried discouragement. But the citizens of Jerusalem persisted, and after fifty-two days the wall was complete.

What happened to the doubters and naysayers? According to Nehemiah, “they were afraid and fell greatly in their own esteem.” The successful completion of the wall told them the Jews had something driving them that the rest of them didn’t: the Lord. Like many people who feel the need to express discouragement and doubt, their actual motive was to disguise their own emptiness.

Let’s be conscious of not becoming one of the naysayers. If we experience an urge to criticize or belittle someone’s efforts, let’s ask ourselves why. Are we trying to help them? Should it matter to us? Does it hit a little too close to home? If we can’t encourage, we can keep silent.

If, when embarking on an effort to make positive changes in ourselves or our communities, we don’t get the support we’d like, let’s remember Nehemiah working atop that ever growing wall. His enemies thought it was the wall they feared, but it was the possibility of Nehemiah’s success. If someone can see our improvement only in terms of their (real or projected) failure, we don’t need to defend our choices to them – our choices will defend us.

Comfort: Good choices are their own reward.

Challenge: Examine what your urges to criticize say about you.

Prayer: Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked. (Psalm 82:4)

Discussion: How do you handle discouragement from others?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

Forsaken

/ JJS / Leave a comment

1469571158530.jpg

Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 65; 147:1-11, Judges 3:12-30, Acts 1:1-14, Matthew 27:45-54

“Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” That is, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”

Every year during the Passion narrative, this verse moves me more than any other. Although the Gospels tells us Jesus suffered and was tempted like any other person, he seems so wise, so confident, and just so plain good it can be hard to believe. These words, though, contain every bit of despair and doubt I’ve ever felt – and then some. If Jesus, of all beings in creation, can feel abandoned by God, our own doubts and fears condemn us not at all.

All of us sometimes feel forsaken by God. In times of illness, financial hardship, failing relationships, and many other situations, we can feel let down or deserted by God. The last thing we need is a clichéd assurance us of God’s loving presence. Reason tells us everyone suffers, but our distressed hearts may be difficult to convince. We can dispassionately dispense platitudes about someone else’s problem, but our own problems are somehow different.

Doubt, disbelief, and anger at God are almost inevitable. Knowing Jesus felt the same way (at least once) puts us in good company. The psalmists were able to feel faithful and forsaken at the same time. Psalm 119:82 says “My eyes fail with watching for your promise; I ask ‘When will you comfort me?’” How poignant! We must not confuse doubt with the absence or end of faith. Classics of Christian writing like The Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross help us understand the ways doubt and darkness can transform our faith. While our instinct is often to reject doubt, we need to embrace and explore it. Burying it beneath denial or easy answers undermines the development of true, enduring faith. When we see someone struggling with doubt, offering easy reassurance can actually be a terrible disservice. Better to be present for our struggling friends, and let them reap the benefits of working through their own spiritual struggles.

A moment of doubt did not thwart Jesus’ triumph, and it doesn’t have to destroy our faith.

Comfort: Doubt can be the turn in the road that leads us to new understanding.

Challenge: Invite someone you trust to discuss each other’s doubts.

Prayer: Merciful and loving God, thank you for being bigger than my doubt. Amen.

Discussion: What do you do when you experience doubt?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!