denial

Willful Ignorance

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings:
Psalms 5; 147:1-11, Deuteronomy 9:13-21, Hebrews 3:12-19, John 2:23-3:15

In legal terms, “willful ignorance” describes an intention to remain unaware of facts to avoid prosecution for them (like not asking a friend why he suddenly has a Rolex to sell you). The term has expanded into more general use to describe anyone who refuses to learn something because they want to remain comfortable or blameless. As a defense it doesn’t hold up well in court, and as a choice it isn’t morally defensible.

When Jesus tried to explain being “born again” to the Pharisee Nicodemus, Nick kept claiming not to understand. Eventually Jesus grew exasperated and said: “Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things?  Very truly, I tell you, we speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen; yet you do not receive our testimony.” It wasn’t a lack of testimony that vexed Jesus: it was a listener’s refusal to receive it.

In his letter to the Hebrews, Paul reminded them how their ancestors abandoned the God who led them out of Egypt and made an idol of a golden calf. When Moses didn’t return quickly enough for them from meeting the Lord on Mount Sinai, the people justified their actions by saying: “this Moses […], we do not know what has become of him.” Not “let us learn more” but “let us do what we already wanted to.” It only cost them forty years.

We practice willful ignorance when we stereotype. When we dismiss solid science. When we make excuses for unethical acts of a politician we happen to favor. Many harmful environmental and economic choices are made with willful ignorance so we can enjoy the present without being accountable for the future. We are susceptible whenever we don’t want to surrender the worldview we prefer.

Jesus said “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” If we aren’t willing to make friends with the truth, what kind of friend could Jesus have in us? God and faith survive facts, even unpleasant ones. If we’re going to be convicted of something, let it be the truth.

Comfort: Facts are not the enemy of faith.

Challenge: If you don’t like the facts, it’s not the facts that have to change.

Prayer: God of Truth, open my eyes. Amen.

Discussion: What facts do you have trouble accepting?

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Predictably Unpredictable

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 65; 147:1-11, Lamentations 2:8-15, 1 Corinthians 15:51-58, Matthew 12:1-14

The Book of Lamentations, written in response to the destruction of Jerusalem at the hands of the Babylonian empire, is a dark, heavy text offering little comfort of hope. Each of its five chapters is a complete poem unto itself. Though the author acknowledges God’s wrath was not unprovoked, he is bewildered by the Lord’s utter lack of mercy. He compares God to a foe of the people, and suggests the consequences far outweigh the nation’s sins.

In the second chapter of Lamentations, eyes fail from weeping, children faint in the streets from hunger, and the slain gather dusts in the streets. The author wants to know how the Lord could loose this devastation on the nation he loved as a bridegroom loves a bride. Yes we did some bad things, the author recognizes, but how could we have expected this? Oh … right … all those prophets.

When I worked with a church youth group of high schoolers, a young man approached me with a crisis of faith. He was devastated that God had not answered his prayers. His feared his girlfriend was pregnant despite all his (and one assumes her) prayers that it not be so. This was going to ruin their lives, he said. How could God let such a thing happen? It was a little surprising how in his mind he’d rationalized a situation where God’s character was the one in question.

But people speak often as if they had no part in contributing to the dire yet completely predictable situation in which they find themselves. Pregnancy doesn’t just happen. Neither do massive credit card debt, affairs, disciplinary action at school or work, drunken altercations, or committing oneself to strange gods. Yes these can be complex and all-too-human mistakes (well, most of them), but using that as an excuse just leaves us prone to making the same (or worse) ones again.

Israel couldn’t begin to repair her relationship with God until she owned up to her role in damaging it. Why risk the same sort of consequences, even if on a much smaller scale? Being honest about our own culpability both empowers us to initiate change and heal relationships with loved ones, ourselves, and God. We can lament if we must; it seems inevitable if not necessary. But then it’s time to do the hard and honest work. We like to avoid blame and guilt, but admitting to them is the first step in leaving them behind.

Comfort: God does not want us to live a life weighed down by guilt…

Challenge: … but we have to live with it before we can lose it.

Prayer: My Lord and creator, nothing about me is hidden from you. Help me to be transparent and honest with myself as well. Amen.

Discussion: How do you react to feeling guilty?

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Rest In Peace

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 67; 150, 2 Samuel 1:17-27, Romans 12:9-21, Matthew 25:31-46

“Don’t speak ill of the dead.”
– Ancient proverb.

“It’s easier to love someone who’s dead. They make so few mistakes.”
– Arnold, Torch Song Trilogy

After Saul and his son Jonathan died battling the Philistines, David wrote The Song of the Bow (today’s reading from 2 Samuel) as a memorial to them. He praised their might and bravery, their loyalty to each other, and the good they did for Israel. He didn’t mention Saul’s crazed and cowardly attempts to murder him, or the fierce division they had over his fate, or that his resulting exile weakened the nation.

Isn’t this the way of most memorial services? “Eulogy” literally means “good words” and we seldom hear anything else spoken at a funeral, regardless of the character of the deceased. At least for a time the bumps in the road of life are smoothed over as we attempt to comfort those left behind.

But not all our grief is for lost love.

Human relationships being complex, we often have unfinished business with the deceased. If this business pains us, we are left with options of denial or therapy  since resolution is no longer possible. Relationships revolving around the person we’ve lost may become more complicated as well.

Then there’s a third option: forgiveness. Death forces us to face we can’t control other people – something we won’t always accept while they live. A hoped for apology or behavioral change – which always seem to remain a possibility when someone is alive – can be an obstacle to forgiveness, because it makes forgiveness dependent upon that person. Yet we can control them no more alive than dead. The relief of forgiveness comes only when we realize it means changing ourselves, but that frequently means hard and humble work on our part.

Fortunately, we can do the work to forgive someone while they still live. On the flip side, we can offer amends any time – regardless of whether we feel like it – and avoid being the source of irresolvable grief. Either way, love as if it’s your last chance. Once we stop waiting, we really start living.

Additional Reading:
For thoughts on today’s passage from Matthew, see Whatsoever.
Read a reflection on today’s scripture from Romans in Burning Love.

Comfort: Forgiveness is something you can choose right now…

Challenge: … but it may take a while to really get there.

Prayer: May God continue to bless us; let all the ends of the earth revere him. (Psalm 67:7)

Discussion: What impact has unfinished business with a deceased friend, for, or family member had on your life?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!

Healthy Skepticism

/ JJS / Leave a comment

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Today’s readings (click below to open in new tab/window):
Psalms 89:1-18; 147:1-11, 1 Samuel 20:1-23, Acts 12:18-25, Mark 2:13-22

“But he seemed like such a nice guy!”

“I never thought she would do something like that…”

How often have we heard similar sentiments after someone has been caught doing something wrong? We even hear them expressed by family members who we believe certainly must have known better. In Nuts, when the main character reveals that her stepfather abused her, her mother insists, “I didn’t know.” She replies, “You didn’t want to know, Mama.” When we love someone, or are otherwise invested in them, we often “don’t want to know.”

When David told Jonathan his father Saul was plotting to kill him, Jonathan’s response was basically, “No way! He woulda told me!” As if the spear marks in the wall from the two or three times Saul had previously tried to kill him were just nicks in the plaster, and Saul’s fits of anger and despair were a minor tic. Because David persuades him their close relationship might prevent Saul from being completely forthcoming, Jonathan concocts an elaborate scheme to let David know whether his suspicions pan out.

We need to be healthy skeptics, even of people we love.

Is that a discomforting thought? If so, let’s keep in mind the difference between being skeptical and being accusatory. We don’t have to assume guilt to be curious.

Predators and con artists survive on charm and our aversion to unpleasant truths. This preference for pleasant denial is so powerful that in families, social circles, or organizations where a person asks questions or speaks the truth, that person is often branded the problem. Are we really more willing to risk neglecting victims of abuse and criminal behavior than to risk offending someone by frankly verifying their intentions? If it seems like a tough call, ask yourself which you’d rather explain to Christ.

We don’t have to believe every accusation by default, for that is also foolishness, but as Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, “test everything, hold fast to what is good.” As Christians, we should be a safe place for people to share hard truths, even if we would rather not know them.

Additional Reading:
Read more about today’s passage from Mark in Gimme Some Skin.

Comfort: In the long run, an uncomfortable truth is better than a comfortable lie.

Challenge: Practice withholding judgment based on hearsay or opinion.

Prayer: Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,  even as we hope in you. (Psalm 33:22)

Discussion: How do you think we balance love and skepticism?

Join the discussion! If you enjoyed this post, feel free to join an extended discussion as part of the C+C Facebook group. You’ll be notified of new posts through FB, and have the opportunity to share your thoughts with some lovely people. Or feel free to comment here on WordPress, or even re-blog – the more the merrier!